would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
