I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize