I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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