Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
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