Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
