mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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