Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
