The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
