Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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