Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
