I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
