I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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