You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
