He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
