The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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