I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
