So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
