They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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