I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
