found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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