3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
