I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
