she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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