so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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