told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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