I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
