It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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