So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
