There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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