I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
