sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
