My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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