Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
