So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
