Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
