Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
