She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize