She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
