Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Randomize
