So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
