He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
