We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
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