Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
