I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
