Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
