I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
do herpes really smell.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
