We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
