the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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