You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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