last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
