omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
