hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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