i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
