We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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