he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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