I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
