fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
