What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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