listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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