You made me cry and you don't even care
Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
