i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize