Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
