OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Are we still banned from the library?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
