dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
