i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
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