I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
