When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize