just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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