I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
